


Dear Friend

by Empress_S



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-21
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:16:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empress_S/pseuds/Empress_S
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lt Bush writes to an old friend</p><p>Set some time after Loyalty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_23rd January 1804_  
  
Dear Mr Kennedy,  
  
I write to you since I have no one else to discuss this troublesome turn of events with, I am at a loss. Our mutual friend (and I do call him friend now) is becoming unrecognisable and not just to myself, but even to those who have known him longer.   
  
Please do not misunderstand me, he is a fine Captain and I am honoured and privileged to serve with him and consider myself most fortunate that we met on that dreary day in Portsmouth. He has led us to into battle against the French and he has ensured our victory against all odds, although to ask him directly, he would humbly remind you that it was the efforts of the crew and not himself that assured our success. So yes whilst our friend is still humble and indeed a force to be reckoned with in battle, this is no longer tempered with the compassion we know he is capable of. I know what you must be thinking, he is a Captain now and as such can no longer indulge himself in flights of fancy or the camaraderie that we once shared as Lieutenants and at first I would have agreed with you.   
  
After the incident in Kingston we spoke briefly before he departed on the Retribution. I have no shame in admitting that it had pained me to see the forlorn look in his eyes, to know that something of him had been lost when you passed from this world in to the next. I thought on that day that I had not lost one friend, but two.  
  
So you can imagine my surprise and joy when I did have the fortune to meet him again that all had not been so changed and our friend was still the shy, intellectual with a quick smile for those that needed it and a quicker word for those that deserved it, so long as there were no ladies present! Even still when he had been given command of the Hotspur and had asked me to be his first Lt. there was not so great a difference in his ways and manner.  
  
And then…well I’m sure you have heard that he has married. She is not a bad woman, indeed some may consider her pretty and she has always had a smile for me when I have visited. However she is not the right woman for him. I hear you ask what gives me the right to judge and I shall tell you, it is because I bore witness to the light that has always been with our friend slowly diminish and fade, starting on the day he proposed. He was ill, did you know? The morning of his wedding, I suppose some men are regardless of how much they love their wives. I am rambling and I do apologise, for whilst I am sure his untimely and unwise marriage have contributed to this tragedy that befalls our friend, it is not the singular reason.   
  
And that is why I write to you, I am confounded and undone and am without hope. I can watch over him and make sure no harm comes to his body and it is my duty and honour to do so, but I cannot go where only yourself have travelled and that is to his heart. I have no doubt that should he continue on this path he will find himself in a cold and dark place that even I can not follow him to. I fear that I have failed him, in his protection and therefore I have failed you.  
  
Your friend  
  
William Bush, Lt. HMS Hotspur 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Hornblower writes to a friend, set the night before Duty begins

_10th December 1803_  
  
Dear Archie,   
  
I have fortunate news, I have been promoted to Post-Captain of the HMS Hotspur, she is a fine ship, a small sloop, but do not let her size fool you, she is equal to any French frigate and as luck would have it William Bush has agreed to be the first Lieutenant.  
  
I must admit that whilst William is an excellent officer and a good friend, I find myself thinking what it would be like to have you here, by my side, what grand adventures we could have had, fighting the French and the Spanish. Often I turn to you on the quarter deck, expecting you to have a pithy comment about the new M’man or the latest in the Naval Gazette and when you are not there, it is as if I were the one that had been mortally wounded.  
  
If it was no more than this that troubled me I think, eventually, the day would have come that I could fondly recall our time together and smile, without a coldness pricking my heart and a greyness tainting the world and yet I have done something that I think even your never-ending compassion and understanding will not be able to forgive.  
  
I can almost hear you say, “What has the mighty Captain Hornblower done that is so grievous that he could not be forgiven?” in that mocking tone that would drive me to distraction and then smile so I knew there was never any malice. I am prevaricating, so I will just say it, tomorrow morning I am to be wed. I am getting married.  
  
Now that I have put it in to written word the gravity of the situation has left me lost and without a compass to guide me back. Her name is…not important, she was a friend in my time of need and I know that she has a great affection for me. She may not be what one would call a traditional Naval wife, but I believe she will try to be a good wife. So then why do I despair, I hear you say, still. Although she is a friend, she is not in my heart, for I fear I stopped using it sometime ago and now there is no bringing it back to life. I remember when you spoke to me of Shakespeare and love and death, that dreadfully cold evening in Plymouth, you painted a picture with your words that was so vibrant that I thought I might be blinded by it. Now I think on what my, our, future will be and I see, nothing.  
  
It is strange that I shall be doing my duty tomorrow and should be proud, yet in by doing so I have squandered your precious gift.   
  
Yours,  
  
Horatio 


End file.
